Lightning Talk: Shower Thoughts - Being Overwhelmed

by John Epperson

In his lightning talk entitled "Shower Thoughts - Being Overwhelmed," John Epperson shares personal reflections on feeling overwhelmed, a sentiment he has grappled with for the past seven years, particularly after the birth of his son. Epperson emphasizes that while many often provide advice on managing stress, he has not found those methods effective. He opens up about the challenges faced as a developer, expressing that it's acceptable to feel overwhelmed in such a demanding career.

He shares a significant turning point in his life when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after they learned she was pregnant, which compounded his feelings of stress. Epperson also references insights from Dr. K, a psychologist whose discussions have helped him understand that feelings of being overwhelmed arise when external challenges exceed our self-imposed expectations.

Personal Reflections: Epperson draws from his experience of using daily showers as a meditative space, where he finds clarity.
Burnout: He outlines his journey through burnout, emphasizing that simply reducing life’s tasks didn’t solve the issue, but maintained the stress ratio.
Setting Expectations: He discusses the balance problem he faced, where external pressures outweighed his internal expectations.
Positive Shift: Epperson notes that rather than eliminating tasks, adding fulfilling activities has made a positive impact on his life.

He concludes with an invitation for the audience to connect with him, sharing that while he is not entirely healed, he is on a path of improvement. The key takeaway is that reframing how we perceive challenges can lead to a more manageable and fulfilling life. Epperson ultimately encourages open communication regarding mental health and the importance of addressing feelings of overwhelm.

This talk successfully blends personal narrative with practical insights, making it relatable for attendees facing similar challenges.

00:00:12.559 Hey guys! I titled this talk "Shower Thoughts" because it actually started from some personal reflections I have while taking a shower. It's my daily ritual for meditation each morning. My wife often complains about how much hot water I use, but it’s a time I cherish.

00:00:24.680 I've been thinking about what to talk about today, and this is my first time giving a non-technical talk. Usually, I discuss technical topics, so talking about personal thoughts feels quite different. Today, I wanted to share my experience with feeling overwhelmed, a feeling that has consumed my life for the past seven years.

00:00:46.680 It all started when my first child, my son, was born. Since then, I’ve faced burnout for a prolonged period. Many people offer various advice on how to reduce stress and manage overwhelming feelings, but honestly, very little of it has worked for me.

00:01:58.200 Being a developer is a challenging job. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy it, and I assume all of you do too, but it comes with its difficulties. Personally, I believe it's okay to feel overwhelmed. If you’re familiar with Andrew Mason, who does the 'Remote Ruby' podcast, he often discusses topics related to ADHD and feelings of being overwhelmed. Although I might be biased since he’s a friend, his discussions resonate with my own experiences.

00:02:50.200 Getting out of burnout is tough. Last summer, I thought I was on the path to recovery, but shortly thereafter, I learned that my wife had breast cancer. Initially, we discovered she was pregnant, which was joyful news, but then we faced this tremendous challenge.

00:03:04.670 I often find myself listening to YouTube videos while I work. One psychologist I follow is Dr. K. He discusses various psychological topics, including being overwhelmed, and he shared a critical insight: feelings of being overwhelmed occur when external challenges surpass the expectations we set for ourselves.

00:03:20.480 This revelation struck me. I realized I have a balance problem where external pressures exceed my internal expectations. Simply reducing tasks in my life didn’t resolve the issue; it only maintained the same ratio of stress. I started reframing how I viewed my challenges. Some expectations, like those from my wife and children, I realized, are deeply personal and internal.

00:04:25.000 Instead of trying to eliminate tasks from my life, I began adding things that I genuinely wanted to do. This shift has fostered a more fulfilling life. I don’t claim to be perfectly healed, but my circumstances have improved significantly. My newfound perspective on challenges has made a noticeable difference.

00:05:10.360 So, this is a little insight into my journey. Here's how you can connect with me and perhaps hold me accountable for my past statements. If you’d like to talk more about my experiences or share your own, please feel free to reach out. Thank you, everyone!